First published on Reading Room, 14 June 2020

(after Dr Seuss)

My name is Andy Wyndzor,
I’m aged 60 or so.
Occupation not stated,
of no fixed abode.
I do not like what newspapers say.
They say I like to play.
I could not, would not, should not
have played in that certain way.
I do not like young ladies.
I do not like their honeyed style.
I could not, would not, should not
have gone within a country mile.
I do not like dead Jeffrey.
I do not like his pad.
I could not, would not, should not
have gadded with that cad.
I do not like Ms Maxine Geewell.
I do not like her phone, it just goes beep.
I could not, would not, should not
have thought the price would be so steep.
I do not like TV interviews.
I do not like that dreck.
I could not, would not, should not
have agreed to that train wreck.
I do not like these Attorneys from the DoJ.
I do not like their look.
I could not, would not, should not
have been caught cavorting
with those crooks.